For this one truth will be my story….

“You still reign and you’re still God”

I have had this one on repeat for a bit now. It’s been ever since a very special lady listened to what was laid on her heart and showed it to me.

It has especially been constant this week as I prepare to lead Iron Faith Biker Church to worship with it on Sunday {today}.

This is going to be a bit of a different of a blog post because it is not centering on my grief so much as it is my faith healing.

Now, the two things are not mutually exclusive, as the reason my faith has needed healing and restoring is because it is directly connected with my grief. The loss of Marriah is the cause of my grief AND my loss of faith. So I feel like this is still the most appropriate place for this conversation due to the major link that is her death…

I have talked previously about my faith being shattered and my grief being ignored.

It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I can say/sing “I know that I can trust Your heart”.

This whole song is just a fabulous song of surrender and, for me, being able to sing this has been incredibly healing in all aspects.

I can’t say what is on the path ahead of me, but I can say that I am miles from where I started. I can also say that my “start line” is further behind me than it should have been, because every day I denied/ignores my grief pushed me back more and more.

I can honestly say that I have clawed my way to where I am.

To be honest, some major influences in my life have drug me kicking and screaming for quite a bit of it too. Those people know who they are and I am immensely grateful to them.

A snippet of lyrics from the song that always hits me hard:

“You are good and You are faithful
As You have been from the start
You’re working all things for Your glory
‘Cause You still reign and You’re still God”

I did not see that there was ANY good that could come from Marriah’s death. *Sometimes I still struggle with this*

But I have gotten to a point where I can see that He is good and He is faithful. He is working all of this…my grief, my heartbreak, my loss of faith… for His Glory!

I have gotten to share my testimony and speak into the lives of others for He still reigns and He is still God in my life.

I was baptized the same day that Marriah was and looking back…I could not see the path before me, but He did. He knew what that day would mean to me not 20 years later. I just so happen to have come across a picture from that day yesterday afternoon.

Not sure what she was telling me😊

It’s the little things like this candid photo that mean the most to me now when I can’t see what’s before me. It’s these little reminders that tell me He does know the path I will take.

We just rehearsed this song and man, is it a powerful song.

Love you always. Miss you forever, Sunflower 🌻

* I will add the YouTube link and credits when I can get to a computer. *

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