I am one of those people that got caught in the Hamilton (the musical) craze. Like HARD CORE. I am so excited to get to see it in January.
I am going to go ahead and say SPOILER ALERT, but anyone who paid attention in US History, and knows the story of Alexander Hamilton, knows what I am about to talk about any way.
But in the second act Alexander’s son is killed in a duel with George Eacker and there is an entire song about Alexander and Eliza grieving the death of their child.
It’s such a beautiful melody with very impactful lyrics, and it’s mostly sung by Phillip’s aunt. In the song, Angelica is talking about death/grieving and watching her sister and brother-in-law grieve.
“We push away what we can never understand, we push away the unimaginable”
Everything from this point on was written today, 2022 Thanksgiving. The portion above is something that I started LAST YEAR around this time.
I sit here, on my grandparents porch, and I’m listening to the sounds of Marriah and I’s family inside laughing.
My heart is full of joy on Thanksgiving and 5 years ago that was unimaginable.
Oh sure, we played the part and enjoyed the time together, but THIS….THIS is what has been missing the last few years.
It’s something that, up until 2022, was missing from our family gatherings.
As I sit out here and ponder, it’s bittersweet.
I miss Marriah.
I miss her most on days like these, because it just doesn’t feel right for her not to be here. But I’m rejoicing because their is JOY in this day of thanks giving.
There is a line in this song that I think sums it up pretty well followed by a platitude I’ve heard far too often over the last 5 1/5 years
“There’s no replacing what we’ve lost…”
She cannot be replaced physically at family gatherings, but she is here. In every little detail. That’s something that hurts as much as it heals.
“And you need time”
No amount of time is long enough for us heal. Time has no bearing on grief, because time can’t heal your grief. Time just changes your grief.
AND THAT’S OK.
I’m am going to push away what I can’t understand and I am going to relish in the joy of thanks giving today with my family.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL. May the Lord bless you and keep you. 🧡
Love you always. Miss you forever, Sunflower. 🌻
****Credits to Lin Manuel Miranda and the Hamilton soundtrack to come****