I mentioned in my previous post, “Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would…”, that if I could just talk to Marriah then I would be happy. I said that I would give up ever seeing her in person, if I could only talk to her again. Those words have lingered with me these last few weeks, and got me thinking about the song for this post.
The title of this song is “One More Day” and is appropriately titled at that. The man in the song is clearly asking for one more day with his lover, but the lyrics lay heavy on my grief stricken heart as well.
One more day…to hug her neck.
One more day…to tell her I love her.
One more day…to ask her all the questions running through my head.
One more day…to have a gif or picture war.
One more day…to celebrate birthdays or a holiday together.
One more day…to hear her laugh.
One more day…to see her nephews and nieces and the wonderful humans they are becoming.
One more day…to have her give us a first hand account of what it’s like to dance for Jesus.
One more day…
Would one more day mend a portion of my shattered heart? Can having just 24 more hours with her give me some peace about her sudden departure? Do you think that one more day would be enough?
Because I don’t. I can tell myself all the lies…I would be happy. It’ll help my family and I get closure. I would be able to, at the very least, move forward with my life. Maybe not necessarily move on…but at least move forward on this journey of grief.
But those are just the lies we tell ourselves while trying to mend the shreds of our hearts. They are merely a combination of letters and sounds that hold about as much weight as a colander holds water. They are just words. People tell small fibs like this all the time. Short little sentences to justify the unhealthy actions that are about to take place.
Just one more episode.
Just one more slice of pizza.
Just one more cookie.
Just one more beer.
Just one more drink.
But how do we break that “one more” mentality? How to we stop the basic human nature of wanting more? How do we break the cycle of one more when we know that it’s never going to be enough? It should be easy, right?
One more day with Marriah will never be enough.
Rationally, I know this to be true. Rationally, I know that I will never break that “one more” mentality when it comes to her. Rationally, I know that the lines I tell my self are just a script of lies written in my head that I use to try and make myself feel better.
I hate to say it, but even after writing this and facing those fibs head on…even after putting this out in the world for others…I’m probably going to keep telling those lies. Because I honestly don’t know how to break that “one more” mentality. That’s ok though. I’m ok with it for now.
“But then again, I know what it would do…leave me wishing still for one more day with you”
One more will never be enough.
Love you always. Miss you forever, Sunflower. 🌻
Credits: “One More Day”
Artist: Diamond Rio (2001)
Written: Jamie Jones, John Keller, Jason R. Pennock, & Gary St. Clair