“Surprise surprise, never saw it coming”

I had not planned to make another post so quickly, but God knows the unexpected is, by definition, not to be expected. We didn’t expect to lose Marriah, and yet here we are. I didn’t expect to start a blog about grief, and yet here I am.

Today was one of those days that just didn’t go as I planned.

I shared the link to this blog with my friends and family Thursday evening on Facebook. With the link, I talked about how I had originally started writing for myself, but with encouragement decided to share with others who may be grieving as well. What I did expect was love and support from my family and friends. What I did not expect was to get a text from Marriah’s widower telling me that he had video from a night I was looking for pictures from. “Funny how a melody sounds like a memory…” has one of the pictures added to the blog post now.

Needless to say, this day did NOT go as planned. As I sat there, going through the videos I didn’t even know existed until today, that’s all I could think. “THIS WAS NOT PLANNED!!”

Then I thought…NONE of this was planned.

They say expect the unexpected. But how, how can you expect things beyond your wildest dreams?! I had so many expectations, and not a single.damn.one involved losing my lifelong best friend at the age of 24.

She and I had expectations together. I was in her wedding, as expected. I always expected her to stand by me in mine. I expected to grow old along side her and annoy our husbands together. We even had plans on just how we were going to achieve that. Yet here I sit on my bed with tears streaming down my face, thanking God that I have a handful of videos I would have at one time found completely embarrassing. Now they are treasures.

You can’t always expect the unexpected though, can you? You can try. There are somethings that you can bet the farm on….a Texas summer is going to be hotter than hellfire. Water will freeze at 32 degrees Fahrenheit. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. But in the end, in the grand scheme of things, those aren’t the things that truly matter.

I didn’t expect today. To be honest, I really didn’t have expectations for today either.

Surprise, surprise…grief sucks.

But that is to be expected, isn’t it?

Love you always. Miss you forever, Sunflower. 🌻

As expected, her wedding. December 2013

Credits: “Surprise, Surprise”
Artist: Josh Abbott Band (2019)
Written: Jay Clementi, Preston Wait & Josh Abbott